Don’t let the heart-shaped shades fool you. I am a worry-wart. Even as a kid.
In third grade, I went through a period of time where I was an insomniac. What was keeping me up at night at age 10? I was worried that I wouldn’t get into a good college. And if I didn’t get into a good college, I wouldn’t get a job. And if I didn’t get a job, I would end up being homeless. Yep. Homeless. My worries, at age 10.
I would sit up with my mother night after night. I remember her telling me, “you just have to take one day at a time.” Poor Mom. She probably was thinking, “Why can’t I just have a normal kid?”
As an adult, I’ve done better at the one day at a time mantra. Usually.
Until today. Today it just went straight out the window.
This morning I woke up thinking: What am I going to do next year? What do I want to do next year? What would I like to do next year? This quickly spiraled to: What do I want to do with my life? What should I be doing with my life? What would I actually like to do with my life? What am I actually capable of doing with my life? (It was eerily similar to my 10-year-old I’m-going-to-be-homeless spiral.) Before long, I could hardly breathe with the onslaught of questions.
I’ve had a few friends from home comment that my Facebook feed and blog this year is always filled with a fun trip — some new adventure. Life seems pretty easy. Pretty fun. And it is sometimes. But it’s also scary. The next step is … scary.
So if anyone has any suggestions for coping with extreme uncertainty, please share. In the meantime, I guess it’s back to Joni Mitchell’s Blue on loop.